So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you will always have a special place in my vag
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
