doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Terrible idea I love it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
