Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
