Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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