i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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