she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
