you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
