i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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