I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
