I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
