Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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