this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
