You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
