we're blogging at a bar
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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