bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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