her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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