I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
