May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
