At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think people are normalizing furries
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
