I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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