Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
