I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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