So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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