sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
