you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
