Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
