Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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