I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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