What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
