why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm passing your future prison.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My vagina just recognized that song.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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