who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
