She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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