i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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