the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
