i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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