the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
