he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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