How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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