He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this just has baby written all over it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
