Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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