my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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