She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your penis caused this!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
