last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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