Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
