I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
