don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
