Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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