it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
