There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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