I smell stomach acid.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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