you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
