I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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