Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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