She is in my trunk
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
