the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
