I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
