I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
