I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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