I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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