I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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