This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
